


Magically Binding Contract

by Chelonie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Crack, Gen, Magically binding contracts, lemon sherbets, not it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 19:31:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17452928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelonie/pseuds/Chelonie
Summary: The Goblet of Fire creates a magically binding contract, which means Harry must compete, or lose his magic... Hermione takes this to the logical conclusion.





	1. You HAVE to compete or WHAT?!!!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Shock of it All](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15463833) by [faewm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/faewm/pseuds/faewm). 



"So you're saying you have no choice but to compete in this competition?" Hermione exclaimed. Unlike Ron, and most of the rest of the students at Hogwarts, she believed Harry when he said he didn't enter his name in the Goblet of Fire. Why would he? He doesn't need fame. Danger finds him without help. And though she didn't know exactly how rich he was, she was pretty sure that the Potter vaults held far more than 1000 galleons.

"Yeah. I have to compete, or I lose my magic. The goblet makes a magically binding contract," Harry said glumly.

"That is so not right. Contracts aren't supposed to work unless they are freely entered into! You didn't enter!" Hermione said.

"Take it up with the Goblet!" Harry said. "Dumbledore said it has the power to do that."

"Wait... really?" Hermione said. "I wonder..."

* * *

 

_One week later, in the Headmaster's office..._

Hermione, Harry, Filch, and Dumbledore sat in his office, with the Goblet of Fire in front of them.

"Let the BiWizard Tournament Begin!" Hermione said. "Entrants, please enter your names."

Dumbledore dropped in a piece of paper, and Filch dropped in another. 

"Now, let the entrants be chosen." The Goblet of Fire spit out one piece of paper. "The entrant for Hogwarts Staff is Albus Dumbledore." The next piece of paper was spit out. "And the entrant for Hogwarts Alumni is Tom Riddle."

Harry applauded. Hermione gave him a stern look.

"The first and only task will be a candy eating competition, and will begin in 2 minutes. The competition is to eat the most candy in 30 seconds. I remind all competitors that failure to compete means the loss of all magic." Harry placed the two dishes of candy at the table. She set a tempus charm to count down the time, then, "Go!"

Dumbledore tucked into his beloved lemon sherbets.

"And... time. Our score shows that Albus Dumbledore-"

Hermione was interrupted in announcing the score (Dumbledore 48, Riddle N/A) when Harry began to scream and writhe. His scar burst open and black tar began hissing out of it. 

_Pain pain unbearable indescribable no it was leaving him all leaving him_ _I can't die I can't I've taken too many steps too many horcruxes impossible how can it..._

* * *

_Four hours later, in the Hospital Wing_

Harry blinked his eyes open blearily. Ah. Yes. He knew where he was - he'd been here often enough. He also knew if he waited for Madame Pomphrey, he'd be here for another week, so he tried to sit up, only to be gently pressed back down.

"Now now, my boy. It's a little too soon for that." Dumbledore handed him his glasses, so he at least could focus.

"Ugh. What happened?" Harry said.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "It's possible that Voldemort was ejected from your mind. I want to try something. _Serpensortia_." He cast a spell, and a small snake was conjured to land on his bed. "Can you see if you can talk to it?"

"Um, hello there. How are you?" Harry said.

"English I'm afraid," Dumbledore said. He picked the snake up and agitated it a little, making it hiss. "Do you understand it?"

"Only its body language. It doesn't like that," Harry said. "But no, not the hissing."

Dumbledore dismissed the snake. "Your scar is also gone. I think those two things together prove that you no longer have Voldemort's soul inside you."

"Wait, what? When the _hell_ were you going to tell me about that?!" Harry felt deeply violated. Sharing minds with Voldy was bad enough, but souls? Ewwww!

"In the fullness of time," Dumbledore said. He was pleased the boy wouldn't have to be sacrificed. "Now did you learn anything before the connection was lost?"

"Er, yeah. I think he was in pain and afraid of dying, even though it was impossible."

"Then perhaps Miss Granger's plan worked to strip him of magic. If it did, then his horcruxes might all have been rendered inert."

"So that means that she's the Saviour of the Wizarding World this time. Cool!" Harry said, deciding he'd ask Hermione what a horcrux was. It was probably something that had been covered in class, and he had missed out on, perhaps during one of his many infirmary stays.

"We cannot be sure until we find his remains, but if he has no magic, he is unlikely to be alive any longer," Dumbledore said. "Unfortunately, we now have terrible evidence of what could happen to you if you don't compete in the Triwizard Tournament."

Harry grimaced. "Ugh. Fine. I'll do it. But don't expect me to win or anything."

* * *


	2. Happily Ever After?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I may have carried on with more ridiculous crack after the first ridiculous chapter

_Elsewhere, in Little Hangleton_

".... My Lord?..... Boss?..... Oh Fuck.... IT WASN'T ME!!!!!" 

Peter Pettigrew shifts to rat form and flees, far far away.

* * *

 

  _At the Third Task_

Cedric Diggory and Harry Potter touch the cup at the same time, and are transported to a graveyard. After several minutes of suspense and fear, Harry sends a Patronus for help, and a few adults Apparate in and retrieve them. The two Hogwarts champions split the prize, and Harry uses his to finance the Weasley twins joke shop.

No one ever finds out who changed the cup into a Portkey. When Moody disappears, everyone figures the Hogwarts DADA curse got him.

* * *

_Two Years Later_

"I can't be Dark Lord Crouch... someone help me think of a better name." Barty Crouch said.

"Go with Barty the Bad," Mulciber said. "Isn't that what the girls called you in school?"

"And the boys," Lucius said with a wink. Narcissa smacked him on the shoulder. "Behave."

"Fine. I'm Barty the Bad, your new evil overlord - all kneel and kiss my - ," Barty said. "No, sorry, I can't do this. Just... pick Lucius or something. I'm really more 'rabid follower' material'."

"Oh no, I'm 'chief financier'," Lucius said.

"I'm 'Head Torturer'," Mulciber said.

"Oh hell no, you aren't. That job is mine, and you know it!" Bellatrix said.

"Er, 'Assistant Torturer'," Mulciber corrected.

"I'm just here to make pervy comments at any prisoners," Fenrir said.

"I'm spying on you dunderheads for the Order," Snape said.

"Wait really?" said Lucius.

"No, of course not. The Order disbanded in 1981," Snape said.

"So you're loyal to our Lord?" Bellatrix said.

Snape shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

"Wait, which one is our Lord?" Crabbe Snr asked.

Yaxley said, "Okay, this is ridiculous... Let's draw straws."

When Narcissa draws the short straw, everyone immediately falls to their knees. A cruel smile plays across her lips. Yes. She could get used to this...

"Uh, no. Mum, sorry. I just... nope. Just, nope. You kissed my boo-boos when I was little. You sang me lullabies. You sent me packages of sweeties every week at Hogwarts. I can't worship you as an Evil Overlady," Draco complained. 

Narcissa throws up her hands. "That's it! Job's yours!"

"No! No! I didn't mean that!" Draco said, horrified. All the Death Eaters turn and kneel at Draco instead of Narcissa.

"Too late! Dark Lord Draco the Deadly, it's got alliteration and everything."

"No! I really don't..."

"Shouldn't have complained then, huh?"

Dark Lord Draco hung his head, "Sorry, Mum."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by The Shock of it All by faewm  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15463833/chapters/35897661


End file.
